Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
