Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
