i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
