Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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