i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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