I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
