Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize