Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
