I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
