apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dicks are not precious.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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