I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
