sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Having a random hookup so left but love u
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
