Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
