why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
