Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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