she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
