I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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