??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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