today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
