That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Of course I have a pirate flag
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize