At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize