I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
