Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
