eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize