his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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