census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
