I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
