I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
