Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
