i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Please, let me fuck your mom
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
