My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
