i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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