Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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