I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
