so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
