I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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