i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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