I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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