You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize