I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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