so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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