franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
