i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
