Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
