would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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