PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
