too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
