so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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