He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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