Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
