i just wanna soil my oats bro
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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