New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
