is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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