You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
