Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
