when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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