You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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