meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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