dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
