I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
