he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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