i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
