I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
