Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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