Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
