I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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