She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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