You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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