guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
