By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
