The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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